


Biscuits, Sugar, Chocolate, And Salt.

by Hakkueii



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, MWPP Era, Marauders' Era, Pining, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 13:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hakkueii/pseuds/Hakkueii
Summary: Padfoot gifts Moony a batch of homemade biscuits.





	Biscuits, Sugar, Chocolate, And Salt.

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings!  
> It's been ages since I dabbled in the Harry Potter fandom but I wanted to write something with these two and the bond they share. Of course it had to be angst. I'm a sucker for pain and unrequited love wbu?

Padfoot is not the type to bake so when he offers Remus a slightly charred batch of crumbled biscuits Remus looks suspiciously at his best friend.

Padfoot just stares at him and says:

_“I made them for you Moony.”_

Remus loves listening to the way Padfoot talks and he can’t help but focus on the way Padfoot says his name. There’s a slight drawl to it. It sounds like the way honey feels.

After a few moments he finally gives in and takes a bite. The biscuits are very dry and a bit uneven. Some parts are too crumbly while others are too doughy. Those parts stick to his throat when he tries to swallow, it’s sticky like syrup.

”They’re delicious,” he lies.

His heart pounds when Padfoot’s face slips into a grin.

“Of course they could use some work but they’re a decent first try.”

“Truth to be told I was going to give them to Snivellus after jinxing them but I think I’ll let you have ‘em.”

 Remus lightly scolds him by elbowing him in the ribs.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks later Remus sits in the Gryffindor common room munching away.

_He’s definitely gotten better._

Remus doesn’t know how or why Padfoot spends so much time baking when exams are around the corner but he’s decided not to ask. He’s happy that Padfoot puts so much effort into something he gives Remus. It gives him closure.

The biscuits are good, soft but firm with a slight crunch. They remind him of clouds. Golden clouds filled with chunks of chocolate. The bitterness of the chocolate balances out the rest of the biscuit nicely. A good counter to all the sweetness and sugar.

Remus never really had a sweet tooth to begin with but perhaps Padfoot’ll get him addicted.

 

_‘Not that that’s anything new._

_You’re a pathetic fucking sod Lupin._

_Sad and pathetic.’_

 

Bitter but resigned he perhaps a little too aggressively bites off another chunk of his biscuit. This time he can’t taste any of its sweetness.

It sits heavy in his mouth. It tastes like charcoal.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Remus has a stash for emergencies.

He puts the remainder of his biscuits in a metal tin, whenever he’s too full to finish the whole batch. I’d be a waste to dispose of something that Padfoot gave him, something that hasn’t gone stale yet.

The tin is small enough to keep beneath his bed and the _tartan_ pattern on the lid comforts him when he’s sad.

Whenever Padfoot looks at James a little too longingly (he’s glaringly obvious about it and at this point even James must notice) that’s when Remus always seem to empty the tin of its contents and he has to go to Padfoot and tell him he’s run out.

Remus tells himself it is not because the tin metaphorically contains the love that Padfoot sends his way.

 

It’s with the three of them sitting in the Common room with Remus watching Padfoot watching James that he realises the biscuit he is holding seems to have lost its taste. He cannot recall the sweetness of the sugar nor the bitterness of the chocolate.

Remus can’t feel the taste.

Padfoot looks at him and his eyebrows crease. He looks concerned. “What’s the matter Moony? You’re making a funny face.”

Remus assures him that all’s well and hesitantly goes back to nibbling at the biscuit in his hand. James remarks that he seems awfully fond of those and wonders where he got them and that’s when Remus rises and throws the biscuit in bin.

When Padfoot looks at him questioningly Remus tells him that it’s gone stale.

_Technically he’s not lying_.

 

Remus quietly tells his companions that he is in fact _very tired_ and bids his friends _Goodnight_.

He can sense Padfoot trying to catch his gaze but swiftly avoids him and heads back to the dormitories.

 

His hands are shaking when they reach for the metal tin under the bed. He grabs the first biscuit he can get his hands on and he thinks himself silly but he _just wants to make sure…_

Remus cannot feel the taste nor flavour and he grabs another biscuit to be _absolutely sure_ and it only takes a couple of seconds until he starts crying.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Padfoot always wraps his batches with a handkerchief. Remus could spot that glaringly obnoxious _tartan_ pattern a mile away. When he sees it lying on James’ desk with crumbs all over it his blood runs cold.

Suddenly he’s no longer hungry.

 

-

 

Padfoot and Wormtail are away on a trip to Hogsmeade.

Prongs chose to stay behind, said he needed to practise for the next quidditch game. Remus declined because of the upcoming exams or at least that’s what he told his friends.

Not that he’d ever admit to having a sad wank over his best friend and then crying about it in the toilet stall, even to himself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He corners James in their room and his eyes have gone from ice to fire. James looks a little scared but tries to put on a face of bravado.

None of them speak until the silence is too heavy and Remus gives in.

“I’m not sure if this is another one of your pranks but it’s not funny. “ Remus tried to keep the hurt out of his voice and he almost succeeds.

“The hell Moony, what’s the big deal?”

Remus wants to cry.

_What about the fact that you took the **one** part of him that was reserved for me? Must you be so bloody selfish and keep him all to yourself? _

_He adores you. His eyes are on you. Always on you and they always will be._

_You take his affections for granted._

None of this Remus says. He gives James a pointed look but the bespectacled boy simply stays quiet and stares back at him.

Finally Remus speaks.

“You stole the biscuits he gave me,” he accusingly mutters.

“The ones in the tartan handkerchief.”

James looks puzzled for a moment, his glasses are slightly askew as they sit on his nose. Padfoot must find it irresistibly charming and Remus curses himself for agreeing.

“Moony, what in the bloody hell are you talking about? “

His reaction seems genuine and Remus almost panics. Suddenly something seems to dawn on James and his expression changes, his face is hard to decipher but maybe that’s just the tears threatening to overflow.

 

“Remus, I didn’t steal them. _Sirius gave them to me_. Said he’d baked until his hands were covered in blisters. Wanted to make sure they were good enough. ”

 

Remus wants to tell him he’s **_wrong_** , wants to call him a **_liar_** but he cannot bring himself to do it. Nor can he muster up the strength. Everything Padfoot does is for Prongs’ sake after all.

It’s not surprising in the least. Somewhere along the way Remus should have known and he knows that deep down he probably already did.

 

He _doesn’t_ hate James, it’s not his fault.

 

“I’m sorry Prongs. For wrongly accusing you. You know how I get this close to the full moon. “

They both know that he’s lying. Next full moon is a whole two and a half weeks away. Despite this James nods his head understandingly. His eyes are sad as he slowly pats Moony on the head.

Prongs has never been good at things like this but he does his best to offer support in his own way. That’s probably why Padfoot loves him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Remus arrives back at the dorms the first thing he does is get the metal tin under the bed. There are a couple of biscuits left but not too many. They’ve all gone stale.

On his nightstand lies a bundle of biscuits neatly wrapped in a _tartan_ handkerchief.

Remus thought the very sight of it would make him cry but he only feels hollow. Hollow and drained. Slowly he picks up both the tin and the batch and silently makes his way to the rubbish bin.

 

The tin makes a small noise as it hits the bottom of the bin bag.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Padfoot approaches him after potions class while Remus is busy reading, he’s falling behind in his studies and he struggles with a lot of things lately. Trying to focus. Trying not to think of Padfoot or Prongs or both for that matter.

“Why did you throw them away? “

It takes half a second before the question finally registers. Remus tenses up. Foolishly he had hoped that Padfoot hadn’t noticed but _of course_ he did.

Always when it’s convenient, never when it matters.

“They’d gone stale.”

Padfoot still doesn’t look convinced but fortunately he drops it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He still receives bundles of biscuits in _red tartan_ handkerchiefs and he keeps on throwing them away until finally five days later in the dormitories, Padfoot confronts him about it.

Remus wants to lie, say that he’s grown tired of sweets but Padfoot knows him too well so Remus settles on the truth.

“Because I’ve grown tired Padfoot, I’ve grown tired of this. It’s hurtful and I’ve grown tired of hurting. Besides, I’m sure James will appreciate them just as well as I do. “

 

Sirius has the audacity to look ashamed.

 

“I still want you to have them though, you know you’re just as important to me as James is. “

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

Remus sighs. “You and I both know that I fancy you and that you fancy James, it’s really not that complicated.”

“You know I still love you Moony.”

 

That's when Remus breaks.

 

He starts crying and he can feel his windpipe constrict. His lungs are heavy like they’re filled with smoke. It's difficult to breathe.

Sirius holds him until he calms down. 

“I know that you will always love James more.“ Sirius doesn’t know what to say to that so he settles for holding Remus tighter until he’s stopped crying.

 

“Why couldn’t it be me?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

And that’s when the tears start falling again.

Sirius kisses him on the forehead, then his tear stained cheeks and his nose tip and his eyelids and then he _finally_ presses their lips together.

 

The kiss tastes salty but fresh and it’s all Remus has ever wanted and he cries and cries and he cannot for the love of God stop crying.

 

It tastes like James.

 

“I love you Sirius.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading!  
> I like to believe that in a biscuit Sirius would be the sugar, Remus would be the chocolate(duh) and James would be the salt.  
> This isn't actually beta'd apologies for any mistakes.  
> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed.  
> Stay safe loves.


End file.
